The Family Caregiver Forum
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Welcome to the NFCA's Family Caregiver Forum - a place where all family caregivers can post questions, receive support and communicate with others.
rzxq2y
Posts: 1603
Joined: Jun 2009
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Tuesday July 06, 2010 8:14 PM
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Hi, Hope, as I said before, my wife probably has a little bit more speech capability than your husband, while your husband has more mobility than my wife. We are giving each other a glimpse of what the future might be.
Hi, Gabriele, my wife runs the words together too. She cannot slow down. When I ask her to slow down, she will speak at the same speed and even faster. Then she gets frustrated at me for keep on asking her to repeat.
Hi, Amy, Colette, yes, when people try to say something in a hurry or when their mental capacity decreases, they do tend to revert to their first language. Here is a funny story that has nothing to do with caregiving. When I first came to U.S. 45 years ago, I flew to the west coast and took a bus cross country. On the bus trip, I met a young man and started a conversation, in English. I had some trouble understanding him completely, but I did not think that my English is that bad. When he asked me how old I was, I told him in English. Then I asked him back the same question, and he replied with 22 in German. Colette, hopefully it will not happen to you ever. But if something happens to you husband, he may revert back to speaking his native language on occasions. Indeed the written language of the different Chinese dialects are the same (almost the same). The written language is lot harder to lear than the spoken language.
I mentioned this in some other posts before, I have a double problem. My wife now only has limited speech, which is only part of the difficulty. The other part is that we have gotten into a habit of speaking a mixture of English, Mandarin Chinese, and Cantonese at the same time. Now because of her speech difficulty, I have to first guess which language she is using, and then figure out what she is trying to say. When I really have trouble, I will ask her to say one most important word in English, and spell it out. It is frustrating to me, but I am quite sure that it is more frustrating to her. fFor a while, she did think that there was nothing wrong with her speech and the problem is that I could not understand her. Then when she realizes that other people have more trouble understanding her than I, and she does not think that way any more.
I am trying to not get myself or her frustrated. I am a patient person, but realized that I am not as patient as I think. Losing patience is not good for my wife or for myself.
Best Regards,
Min-Shih
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rzxq2y
Posts: 1603
Joined: Jun 2009
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Tuesday July 06, 2010 8:15 PM
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Hi, my friends,
All the wires have been moved from that part of the wall, no sparks flying and no accidents. But I did make a few stupid mistakes, like reaching my arms to pull the wires from the fiberglass insulation in the basement without wearing gloves and long sleeves. Now my hands and arms are itchy all over. Beside that, I lost some of my tools as usual, but I did not loose my non-contact voltage tester.
When I route the wire in the basement, I need to drill some holes through the joists to let the wires through. So Took out those special drill bits that drills large holes through thick wood. I have had them for years, but I never bothered to pay attention to the package or to know what they are called. This is the first time I looked at the package. It says Boring Bits . It makes perfect sense but kind of funny. Are there something called interesting bits?
I wondered why it took me so many days to finish a relatively simple job. The reason is that I only have bits and pieces of free time to work on it. Some of the bits and pieces of free time are too short for me to do anything, since I cannot pull a circuit breaker; cut the wire; and not finishing it until much later without inconvenience to my wife or myself. Also I cannot do any drilling or hammering when my wife is napping, which is the largest piece of time I usually have. I did plan out when to do what, and the job stretched out for a few days. In any case, it is done, with the exception of cleaning up.
The ramp arrived. Hopefully the sliding door installers will come as promised. Then all I need to do is to rearrange some furniture and out house will be wheelchair accessible. Still lots of important places in the house will not be wheelchair accessible. But hopefully I will not have to deal with that for sometimes to come. Grab bars and handrails are still sufficient.
It is too bad that we do not live close together. Otherwise we indeed can give each other a hand. I wish that there is an actual community of us, so that we can support each other and help each other out.
Best Regards,
Min-Shih
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rzxq2y
Posts: 1603
Joined: Jun 2009
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Wednesday July 07, 2010 9:34 PM
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Hi, my friends,
Thanks so much for your kind words here. You make feel the warmth of the forum. You bring smiles to me. I want to let you know how much I appreciate your friendship!
Hi, Colette, I am not an EE. I remember you mentioned that you husband is an EE turned into software developer. I was in physics and than went into software development.
By the way, I was a theoretical physicist, only work on paper and had nothing to do with experiments and instruments. In my younger days at home, we have to depend on ourselves, so L kind of learned on the job on fixing. Also with nothing to do with theoretical physics or software development, I do like to tinker, on the house, cars, electronics, etc. Actually I am a very clumsy person, but I learned how to things within my limitations.
Hope that everyone has a good evening, despite the heat wave that is affecting quite a lot of us,
Best Regards,
Min-Shih
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myonly
Posts: 311
Joined: Apr 2010
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Wednesday July 07, 2010 11:29 PM
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In the absence of a chainsaw, there are other handy power tools that you can resort to - the mitre saw, the jackhammer, the nail-gun. A power drill (with all the assorted, sized bits) gives me a bit of a power-high. Nothing like boring to the root of the problem, I always say...
And my new favorite word is "maul". Saw them at Home Depot the other night, while looking for an axe for the oldest son, who is in the woods all summer. He called and requested one for his outdoor adventures in teaching environmental science at Boy Scout camp. Home Depot was fresh-out of axes, but I was fixated by the word and the sheer power of the maul. I think I could bring down the house with that sucker. Single-handedly. And the word just seems to roll off my tongue. Maul. Yeah, baby.
I'm in a better place today, though, and I won't do any literal or figurative home-wrecking any time soon. So it's not like you have to call the authorities to track me or anything.
Congratulations again, Min-Shih and Dave, on your separate but equally impressive endeavors in the home! I bow to your patience, know-how (the thinking-on-your-feet-kind!), persistence, and genuine caregiving for your wives that is the driving force behind these projects. There are two women who are truly blessed.
Sincerely,
Gabriele
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rzxq2y
Posts: 1603
Joined: Jun 2009
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Thursday July 08, 2010 9:12 PM
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Hi, Colette,
I am replying here your remark on another thread because this thread is about me, while the other is on a serious issue.
I wonder why you said "You are a lot like my husband. All school/work and no play' just after I put a neighborhood firework show. The recent heat wave made me think about the possibility of a power outage. I think that it was 2003 when part of the power grid failed and caused wide spread black out ina number of states, including Michigan and Ohio. So my story is where was I when the power went out? Believe or not, I was stuck on a rollercoaster with my daughter in an amusement park in Ohio. Fortunately we stuck on top of an escape platform. When the park realized that power is not coming back any time soon, the park attendants let us jump down to the platform and go down the escape stairs. I mentioned before in some threads that I am a big amusement parf fan. I can spend all day riding only the biggest and fastest rollercoasters.
My amusement park days are over, so are my school and working days. Do I miss them? No, those days are gone with some very fond memories. My new life is being my wife's caregiver 24x7. My playing only limited tof a few computer games here and there, and playing the coin operated machine trying to get stuffed toys with the claw in stores when I go shopping. Actually I get about 100 stuff toys a year. Then I donate them to charity during the holiday season.
Why I do not find some caregiver to relive me now and then to have some big block of respite time? First of all, I am one of the few lucky ones that I do not need it. An hour or so of "me time" here and there is good enough for me, and I spend part of that time at the gym. Secondly, her exercises are crucial at this stage. I work with her on an exercise routine twice a day and adjust the routine according to whether she has a good day or a bad day. It would be hard to find a caregiver that can understand her speech, assist her daily living needs, and do the exercises with her. When I finish the
recording of her daily routines, maybe I will have a better chance. Last but not least, now she is not used to I not being home with her except during her napping time. IU want her life be as pleasant as possible,
So, here are some of my "play" stories.
Best Regards,
Min-Shih
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myonly
Posts: 311
Joined: Apr 2010
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Friday July 09, 2010 8:48 AM
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Dear Colette,
Remember the Serenity Prayer - the thing you can't change right now is that he wants to take this on by himself. Please don't get yourself imagining scenarios or becoming panicky. You already have an awful lot on your plate, and stress can kill. Perhaps your husband sees this and is trying to give you a break. Poor dears, they don't understand that, by withholding such information, they are actually making us more of a basket case! Hang in there, lady!
Have you ever tried mindfulness meditation or yoga? I find these practices very relaxing and centering, and they help me approach things with a new perspective. Also, if YOU could find a respite retreat (Wellspouse Assoc?) somewhere nearby, I think you'd get a power surge on your battery. You deserve some SERIOUS R&R!!
Hugs,
Gaby
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rzxq2y
Posts: 1603
Joined: Jun 2009
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Monday July 12, 2010 11:12 PM
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Hi, my friends,
Argh! After I made sure that all the preparation worke were done, the sliding door installers did not show up today. Since the sliding door does have to be custom fit to size, they blamed it on production problems. They promise that they will show up tomorrow morning. I certainly hope so. A one day delay usually is tolerable to me. But we are flying out to California on Thursday. After the sliding door is installed, I still need to put up the ramp, get a blind and installed it, as well as rearrange the furnitures, all on the day before we fly out. We still need to do the last minute laundry and packing. I think that I have a challenge ahead of me, but I will handle it.
Best Regards,
Min-Shih
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